Some people might call me irresponsible; others might say I’m a contrarian who never gives a fair shake to the issue at hand; still others might admonish me for treating sensitive topics irreverently.

What you must understand, gentle reader, in order to correctly appraise my writing, is that those people are absolutely right.

I am a jerk.

Still, once in a while I like to offer suggestions rather than criticisms. I’ve given my input on how to reduce underage drinking, improve athletics and increase the quality of students at this fine university. And, as a matter of course, the powers that be have ignored my suggestions, which proves that OU administrators still have at least a bit of sense. You might not like where President McDavis is taking this university, but imagine if I were in charge. Yikes!

Anyhow, I agree with conventional wisdom that says administrators should be evaluated, so I’m here to make some more suggestions as a test. And if any of them are taken, we can assume everything really has gone to hell, and we should all just transfer somewhere else (but not to Miami).

The pointers I offer are in regard to OU’s financial situation. For those of you who only pick up The Post for the crossword, the situation is this: McDavis has proposed cutting about $18 million from the university budget, half of which would be used to keep us from running deficits in the coming years. The other half would then be reinvested as part of the budget realignment.

So then, where to reinvest for the realignment?

First, I suggest we create an intensive English program for all OU administrators so they can learn that normal, functional people don’t use words such as “reinvest” and “realign.” Technically, if I were to stop at the ATM, withdraw some cash, then head to Tony’s to put back a few while watching the playoffs, you could say I’m “reinvesting” my savings in the interest of nighttime recreation and sporting fanaticism. In reality, all I’m doing is getting drunk and watching basketball. And if I maybe have a bit more than I can handle, no one is going to say that I’m in the bathroom “realigning” the contents of my stomach; they’re going to wish me a Happy Birthday and tell the barkeep to bring a mop.

Next, if the university really wants to gain prominence, I think it needs to seek out more people like Charles McWeeny, who was just appointed as dean of the College of Fine Arts. An easy and highly effective way for this university to distinguish itself is to promote more people like McWeeny, people with character, integrity and, most importantly, hilarious last names.

Now, I know it’s bad form to criticize a standing dean these days, but think of the benefits. If we pack the ranks with anatomically-explicit names, maybe throw in an associate provost with a sexually-suggestive handle, we’ll be part of Leno’s headline gag in no time. Or isn’t that the kind of publicity we’re looking for?

(On a serious note, know that I wouldn’t besmirch McWeeny’s surname if I didn’t have it on the authority of Washington Post humorist Gene Weingarten that I also have a funny name.)

Finally, I think OU needs to put the focus back on its main goal: education. Because I am currently having serious doubts about the critical-thinking abilities of OU students.

Consider an incident relayed Monday in a Post story about Highfest, in which one student “said he had pinkeye in both eyes and that a girl licked his eye and then walked over to lick a girl in her eye.”

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily draw conclusions from that anecdote alone, except that I read in the same issue of The Post that, according to a police report, on Saturday a student got into a fight outside The Pub (surprise!) and then punched a police horse.

Now, I understand that not everyone comes to college with the same high school education, and that some remedial course work needs to be offered. But if OU is in the practice of admitting police horse-punchers and infectious eye-lickers, then they seriously need to think about reinvesting in a realignment of standards.

Whatever that means.