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Melrose Place 
Two hours worth is too long to go into the sordid details, so here's the quick and dirty version.
Tension increases between Billy and Samantha. She and Jeff are flirting like mad, and Billy just keeps making jealous cracks and putting away those martinis. He poses as "Craig" one more time, but Jen eventually tells Mrs. Manicini the truth. She is touched that Jen would protect her like that.
Sam is also confiding in Jen about the failing marriage, and Jen is using that information to get close to Billy.
Michael gets some reluctant investors and opens up "The Mancini Medical Center" in the hood. He strikes a deal with some thug that he will quietly take care of "legally challenged patients." You know, victims of drive-bys and gang wars. Anyway, Michael wants out of the deal, but the thug has a gun and the Doc does not, so poor Dr. Mancini is stuck.
Peter decides to tape Lexi's dad's threats, so he goes to see him with a tape recorder in his pocket. Unfortunately, while they are bitching at each other, Mr. Sterling has a stroke and croaks.
So Peter lies to Lexi and says they made love, not war, but Megan gets a hold of the tape and plays it for Lexi. So Lexi goes to Coop for comfort, and she tells Peter to shove off.
Coop has been blowing off Megan for Lexi, too.
Now for our feature presentation... Amanda's wedding.
Kyle goes to see Christine, and she is shocked and tells him to get the hell out. So it's back to L.A., and all is well until she shows up in the jazz club.
Amanda is being really cool about giving them time together, and Christine takes advantage of it and tries to seduce Kyle. The man is a loyal puppy, though.
Taylor antagonizes Christine the entire time. She's really good at it.
Christine tries to propose a toast to the two of them, but she loses it and begins to weep pitifully.
Amanda's wedding my ass. On the big day, Christine tries to kill herself by illegally parking in front of a train. Had it been Athens, she would have gotten a ticket.
Kyle rescues her and misses his wedding. Amanda is pissed, but at least she had time to buy a decent wedding dress. God, it was heinous.
She tells him to straighten out his past or she'll kick him to the curb.
Nick shows up in the hospital and takes Christine right there in the bed. The plot thickens.
Quote of the Week (Jen to Sam about Jeff): He's got your libido wrapped around his... well, it's wrapped."
Next Week: Megan kisses Michael, Sam kisses Jeff, and Kyle kisses Christine.
Beverly Hills, 90210
Noah's brother, Josh, shows up, and Noah hates him. Seriously, I thought "rapist" as soon as I saw him, but those crafty 90210 writers fooled me. Val encourages Noah to reach out to Josh, and he does.
Steve and Brandon are spending Valentine's Day like the crazy single guys they are. Well, Brandon was going to go out, but he decides to leave several hours worth of messages on Kelly's answering machine instead. It's a good thing she doesn't have a pager, she'd have been vibrated out of Beverly Hills.
Kelly has a date with the doctor, but she backs out. Brandon is getting to her. His moves were so smooth this week, I almost wanted him.
Apparently Kelly falls for it, because now they love each other again.
Meanwhile, Steve is being set up left and right, and he ends up with two dates plus Brandon's date. They all ditch him, but he meets a mystery woman who disappears into the night.
Steve and Brandon get pulled over by a cop, and guess what? The officer is the mystery woman! It's a small world after all.
Donna and David have resorted to sneaking around to spend time together. It works, until they get rear-ended and have to stand up Noah and Val for the V-day dates. Donna's back is hurt. She says the car wreck is to blame, but I suspect the weight of those oversized silicone globes hanging off her chest. She's going to develop a pain killer addiction.
Anyway, Noah gets drunk and Val has a glass of wine with Josh. He slips her the drug, and she's wasted, but Noah is the one who bangs her.
She's a mess the next day, and the doctor tells her about the date-rape drug. Val tells David and they go to the boat. Noah's in trouble.
Quote of the Week (Val to Noah): "I can name that dysfunction in two notes."
Next Week: Noah's in deep, and Val is suing.
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