Needy girls scarred by past pains

by Erica Ryan
Staff Writer

Brynn Burton hates me.

Well, at least "The Post's""Between the Sheets" columnist is greatly annoyed by us so-called "needy girls" - the ones who ruin guys by crying when they don't call and are permanently stuck to their sides. I'll admit it, that's the kind of girl I used to be.

I wasn't always such a polluter of the dating pool. In fact, I was a serial "short-term" dater in high school - moving from three-week "relationships" to three-month ones with long spurts of living the singleton life in between. I got dumped. I dumped people.

Then I came to college, and I had my heart broken. Typical freshman love story: Come to school, meet unattainable boy. After months of agonizing, find out boy breaks up with girlfriend back home and ecstatically enter into rebound relationship.

And get completely crushed when boy dumps you unceremoniously and without warning a month later.

You all saw that coming. I didn't. It took me six months to get over my freshman love, and it completely ruined me for my next relationship. I went from a fun-loving flirty girl to a clingy girlfriend - the kind always looking over her shoulder, knowing the next minute was going to bring utter and complete heartbreak.

Honestly, I hated it. I didn't want to feel slighted if he didn't call or wonder if he was wishing he were with someone else every time we went out. But I couldn't help it. My broken heart made me jealous and insecure. In the end, it was one of many problems that lead to the end of the relationship.

I didn't want to be "that girl." Because, like Brynn and most of my friends, I had despised those stupid girls who hung all over their boyfriends, refusing to let them make a single move on their own. I watched as some of my guy friends got sucked into those kinds of relationships, and inside I thought they were being completely silly for not getting out.

But what I realized is that behind that needy girl is often a creature exactly like the singletons - someone looking for a fun relationship with a nice, normal guy - but without the self-confidence and perhaps with a seriously broken heart.

I'm not saying that behind every psycho significant other is a poor, insecure urchin. Some people are just crazy when it comes to relationships. But not every needy girl has always been that way, and many of them will get over it.

In fact, I think I have. I haven't met someone to tempt me back into the whole commitment thing yet, but I've grown up a lot and I've regained my self-confidence. I might give lip service to my insecurities still, but inside I know I can put myself out there without fear. When I meet the right guy, I'll be willing to suspend doubt and actually trust him this time.

Because, really, what do I have to lose?

••-Ryan, ••The Post's•• assistant managing editor, spends so much time in the newsroom, she doesn't even notice she's single. Any needy girls who want to commiserate can send her an e-mail at erica.ryan@ohiou.edu.••